OMG! I think I might die.

"I found the simple life ain't so simple.. When I struck out on that road.."
You know the song.
I, have been bombarded with that song all weekend.
Now, I'm not complaining, I'm just sayin..
When you've heard the damn thing 5 gazillion times. It kinda makes you want to go postal.
AND, to top it all off, it's not even the song it self. It's just David Lee Roth throwin down his portion.
Yes, you got it. No music. Just David Lee Roth singing...over and over and over again.
My CUTE B.F. and his ROCK STAR BUDDY have decided that they needed to go on a bender while he is in town, so it's been a wild one thus far.
But either way, the more I drink, the more I realize that I just can't hang with the crew like I used too.. I pay far to dearly the next day to be goin around getting totally waisted. And, what's worse about it all is that I wasn't even that drunk last night. My hang over today is mostly from lack of sleep. God damn it!!!
Why doesn't someone invent a friggen hang over cure that works?

CORPORATE AMERICA

As you read I was over SOGS's house last night. Something was mentioned about boycotting Wal-mart. I of course pipe in and the conversation gets heated. However this isn't unheard of when the BRADY BUNCH is around. Once one of the 6 get an idea in their head that's it for anyone who disagrees. They all rally around that idea. The boycott is over (from what I remember) Wal-mart having shady business practices that effect their employees.

For some reason most people in the BRADY BUNCH clan really don't think I have a good understanding of the world. I work and live in Corporate America. I've been laid off by Corporate America. Wal-mart is the leader of Corporate America. My argument was that if you are going to Boycott Wal-mart then you have to boycott all of Corporate America. Much easier said than done considering most everything we purchase or the services that we use are brought to us by Corporate America. Not to mention that most of us are employed by Corporate America. After all I have tried to work for the small business but they could not offer me the benefits that I so need in order to protect my family. Yes medical, dental, 401K with matching, disability, life insurance....These are all things that I need in order to maintain a healthy life for my family. Considering I had been a single parent for so long. Not to mention the one time in many years that I worked for the small business (after being laid off from Corporate America) that did not provide dependent medical benefits I incurred over $20K in medical expenses. And of course after having to file Bankruptcy I went back to Corporate America to insure this didn't happen again. My wages may be slightly less but the benefits are worth it.
We know that Wal-mart is the #1 leader in Corporate America. They have sent many jobs across seas in order to provide the consumer lower prices. Why is this....The consumer asked for this. We all want something for as little as possible. Yes I am guilty of that. However, Wal-mart is only one of thousands of Corporations that practice these business standards. Every corporation that I have worked for has done the same thing. I know that a few of the BRADY BUNCH clan were saying that the corporations they work for don't practice these standards. I challenge them to look a little deeper. In this day and age there is no possible way they can't and still compete with the rest of Corporate America.
Let's also look at the fact that Wal-mart is the largest employer in American. However the BRADY BUNCH clan claims they don't pay their employees standard wages. Do we really think that employees of a non-unionized BRAND X retail store is paying or offering more benefits than Wal-mart.? Here is my point of view on this. If you choose to work for a retail store such as Wal-mart but you feel you are paid to little move to a unionized retail store. They do exist. I've worked some of the worst paying jobs before. However, I was able to move through a chain in order to get to a more competitive wage. Now that I think about it I don't know anyone that works for Wal-mart. Why is that? Are maybe my friends a little smarter than that? I do know people that work for unionized retail stores. Again we have choices.
This brings us back to boycotting Wal-mart. Yes this is the BRADY BUNCH and COOLeen's choice. And I fully respect that. Hopefully they respect my opinion. Which in a recap is if you are going to boycott Wal-mart you must boycott Corporate America. I am a true believer in employee rights. I also believe that the best defense against Corporate America is entrepreneurship. Way to go SOGS and SISTER in staring their catering business. I know personally they treat their employees well. Now we have to get the rest of us on board. In the meantime I will not give up my right to shop lower prices. Especially in a time where I feel lucky to have not only one job but two. A job that provides me with decent benefits. And the choice to look else where if I choose to do so. Of course once I do become an Entrepreneur I will then be all about employer rights because it’s all about me.

Damn!

I am hung over! (What's new, right?)I actually think that I might still be drunk. I'm sitting @ work contemplating life, and I've come to few conclusions. First, I am definetly moving out of the country. I'm thiking either Cananda or Argentina. Hopefully the latter, but I'll leave my options open. Secondly, I cannot drink a bottle of Vodka on a work night. It just doesn't bode well with my head the next day. Thirdly,.... Walmart needs to get it's act together. I mean, what the fuck?
Damn. I am hung over.
BTW, where the hell is SOME OFFICE GUY?
It's like he dropped off the face of the earth or something.
F.JIM and COOLeeN had a little tiff last night. I'd call it a good healthy dose of socratic discussion, but I don't know how they each took it. In all actuality niether one of them probably gave it a second thoguht, but it's been on my mind a bit this morning.
Well. I suppose I had better get my shit together and actually do some work.
Until next time fellow bloggers.

Toga Toga Toga

Happy New Year!
Like usual, I had my New Years party. It sure was fun!

THE COUSIN THAT GOES "DUUUUHHH" brought some party favors for everyone. We proceeded to get our drinks on and have a real happy time. (If ya know what I mean!) The party was getting pretty loud and dancing had started to ensue when THE COUSIN THAT GOES "DUUUHHHH"'s friend decided to start freaking out.
It could have been the fact that I (in a very playful manner, mind you) ripped his toga off...Or, maybe it was when OUR FRIEND FROM THE VALLEY grabbed and ripped open the Velcro on his shorts and exclaimed, "Oh looky, looky at the little present I found!!!"
Or, maybe it was just the plain fact that he was tripping balls and couldn't handle it.
Either way, he started to freak.
To make a long story short, I ended up having to pull a Godfather move and tell him he was never welcome in my house ever, and if he showed his face at my door again he'd be sure to wind up in a dumpster some where, possibly disfigured or something along those lines...

After he was forcibly escorted out, he stood out side my door, looking in the window like a lost little fucked up dog... crying and carrying on, trying to get back in the party.. Until finally, he decided he wasn't getting any where and that it would be a good idea to go across the street to the pizza place and harass them. He told them that we were all werewolves, and that we were eating children..

So, the PIZZA GUYS eventually ended up coming over to the house asking why the hell this guy kept bothering them, and (I'm thinking) to check for the bodies of small children.

After a while some of the party goers felt sorry for CRAZY GUY and gave the PIZZA GUYS money to take him home. (Why nobody didn't just call a cab, beats the hell outta me. But I guess it all worked out in the end.)

After they took him home, they came over, drank beer w/ us and we all had a grand ol' time til about 6 in the morning...

No other real incidents worth mentioning, except that GAY KIM tackled CHOWDER HEAD, twice, when she tried to run out the door to talk the guy down. It didn't really matter though, cause CHOWDER HEAD just ran into my room, knocked the screen out of my window, and jumped out anyway. But not before she yelled, "Nobody, is gonna stop me from doing what I want to do!!!"


Good Times..

Toga anyone?

Oh come on . I KNOW there is some great stories in there of the NY08 festivities! Blog on fellow bloggers.

PS: I am out of good pills. My life shall be a bore for awhile.

TRASHLEY is really trashy

CHEF SISTER got married at my house this past weekend. Nothing too big. Just some close family and friends. It had been a wishy washy event, on one week, off the next. Up until the week before, CHEF SISTER and THE NEW HUSBAND decided to just go ahead and take the plunge.

The big day comes and my house starts filling up. His family, my family.. Couple O' friends.. TRASHLEY and HER FIANCE show up. I think TRASHLEY had already been poppin the pills and drinking. The first thing out of her mouth is, (in a screechy sorta way) "I Can't Shtop Crying!!! Booh hoooo!" She then proceeds to stumble around, kissing everyone at any and every opportunity. She's wearing bright red lipstick, so it doesn't take long for everyone to be decorated w/ lip prints.
I happened to be wearing a low cut shirt and at one point she cornered me to rip my shirt down and kiss my tit. Then she demanded that HER FIANCE stick his nose in my ample bosom and get a whiff of my perfume. He graciously declined while I ran the other way.
At one point, I hear her yelling about how HER FIANCES' daughter couldn't find her ass hole to wipe it. Then she focuses her "one good eye" in on MY OTHER MINI ME's B.F. (poor kid) she yells at him to "Start being a MAn!!" and so on and so forth.
Fortunately, he was able to escape her grasp and hide til they left.
I didn't see much of her after that, except when the ceremony started. She was tucked into the corner of my couch with her little hanky... dabbing her eyes and boo hooing again.
Well, Any whoo... I just thought I'd propose a toast:
To our dear, (fucked up) friend, TRASHLEY. You make all special events something to be remembered!
I also want to thank you. I don't know how we could keep up our blogging fodder with out you.
May Your lipstick always be red, and your words always slurred!

Poor CUTE B.F.

So. CUTE B.F. and I start drinking early. Caucasian Gary's, Champagne..Bloody Marie's.... Beer.. You name it, I think we tried it. His big X mas party was the next day and he had gone out and bought a pimp suit.
We're loopy. He's trying on everything, prancing around.. Wielding his gun, acting like the Welsh gangster that he truly is.
We decide that we just aren't high enough. Right?
I whip out the reefer..Take a few puffs, and hand it over.
CUTE.B.F. never smokes the reefer. I mean EVER.
He doesn't handle it well. About 10 minutes into realizing how fucked up we really were, he goes running into the bathroom.
Now, as for me. I'm higher than a kite. I decide to rummage through the closet... Dig in my drawers... Zone out on the fuzz balls on the floor.... Count my hair....I'm pretty sure I spent about an hour trying to find a pair of pants that turned out to be right in front of me.......
Needless to say. The whole time I hear nothing from the bathroom.
I eventually pass out. Only to be woken up by MINI ME standing in front of me, yelling, "Will you PLEASE go check on him?? He's only been calling your name for an hour!!!"
I jump right out of bed, (like the GOOD committed G.F. I am) and rush to the bathroom door. All I hear are animal like moans and LOTS and LOTS of hurling. It sounded something like this.....


CUTE B.F.:OOOOOOHHHHHHhhhhhHHhHHHhh GoOOOOOoooooDDD!!!! retch.retch.retch.
me: uuuuh?honey??? you ok??
I open the door slightly.
CUTE B.F.:(lying on the floor nekked as a jay bird, puking)
GET oUTT!!!! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN ANY ONE DIE BEFORE??????


wELL, I decided that that is the last time I ever partake in the greeny green w/ him.

I am NOT Chowderheads mother

Yesterday, I got my wee little hands on some SMARTIES. Oh the joy! Now, I haven't had any in quite a bit. I came home last night, anticipating the moment when I could induldge in the tranquil high I would soon get. I decided to push off the actual moment for a bit though. Create some more excitement so the high would be even BETTER! I cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and did some general tidying up. Then I ate some Cheerios. I love me some Cheerios and last night they really hit the spot. So, after being home for about an hour, it was time. I opened up a bottle of wine (cause it's like a celebration when you get Smarties) and put 2 down the hatch. I went and took a nice long, albeit very stoned, bath. When I got out, I was pretty dizzy. Had to lay down. Gads! I do not remember THIS feeling before? Where was the euphoria? Wanting to talk to everyone while furiously cleaning my home? No, this was NOT a happy feeling. Maybe I should have 1/2 more. Yes. Good idea. Took another 1/2 a pill. Finished the BIG glass of wine. Very smart of me. Ok, not feeling so good. Perhaps it's time to go to bed. I go to the kitchen to get my medication (the real kind, not the fun kind) and start divying it up. "Ugghhh...me belly don't feel so good." Before I knew it, I was head first in the kitchen sink throwing up red wine and chunks of cheerios. Well, I felt a lot better after that. I think I may have kinda poisoned myself. Perhaps I will only try 1 pill tonight instead of pretending I can roll like Chowderheads mom.