EVERYONE MUST DIE......................

I managed not to kill anyone, but that wasn’t from a lack of trying. Unfortunately I don’t have any real weapons at work. I tried to use my old rusty dull scissors by throwing that at an unsuspecting person walking next to my cubicle. But I miscalculated the throw due to the weight of scissors and it just hit the wall on the opposite side of my cubicle. It did however make a huge thump. So, I quickly pretended that I fell down. A few people came over to help me. I tried stabbing those people with the pen that I had in my hand but I only proceeded to tattoo them with blue ink.
After I didn’t succeed with those attempts I proceeded to the break room. I took the butter out of the fridge and greased up the seat on a couple chairs. Although a few people slide off the chairs it didn’t really cause the damage that I was looking for.
Off to the bathroom. Okay this one is tricky considering we have a public bathroom. And I had to think really hard. I just decided to saran wrap a couple toilets. Only one girl fell for it. She came out of the bathroom sobbing and was quickly sent home with pay. Now the saran wrap has been taken out of the kitchen and all the women are being watched closely.

OFF THE SAUCE.................

Well I deeply regret having to provide this terrible news to my fellow drunken bloggers. This truly is a tragic day in the history for all those that have ever woke up with a stage 5 hangover.
I, FEMALE JIM, will be out of commission for at least 9months. Yes you guessed it I am pregnant. And since society frowns on those who drink while being pregnant I have decided to put the bottle down.
For those of you who feel my pain, don’t worry. For I am comforted by the words of CHOWDER HEAD.
“Just think…You won’t have a hang over for the next 9 months. Plus once you start to show you won’t have any fat rolls.”
Thank you CHOWDER HEAD for those kind words.

I can only hope that SOGS, TRASHLEY, and CHOWDER HEAD continue to live the good life and bring us some crazy drunken stories. Actually, I may have to hang out with my drunken friends just to get some good blogging stories. After all I will be so coherent I may remember the entire evening.

Signing off for now,

FEMALE JIM