CAMPING

This sign reminded me of a story that CHOWDER HEAD kept repeating the last time I saw her. CHOWDER HEAD, husband, and kids along with SOUTHERN BELL and HOWLIE apparently all went camping a couple weekends back. CHOWDER HEAD had her usual consumption of alcohol and I am certain became completely snockered. I wouldn’t doubt if she repeated an episode from the Memorial Day camping trip and fell into the fire and then proceeded to do a summersault over one of the camping chairs. (Which I am pissed that I missed). What I do know for sure is that CHOWDER HEAD did was a lot of puking. Why do I know this because she has told me at least 10 times.

Considering buying this sign for CHOWDER HEAD or at least a chum bucket for the next time I camp with her.

REWARD

I was having a nice casual 4th of July. The sun is shining. It’s about 70 degrees. We are sitting at CUTE BOYFRIEND’s Parents house. They have a house on a lake. The kids are taking the paddle boat out and swimming. CUTE BOYFRIEND and I are drinking beer and cooking burgers on the BBQ. Well one beer leads to another and so on.
We were invited to SOGS’s CUTE BOYFRIEND’s house to watch fireworks. We arrive about 3 hours early for the event. CUTE BOYFRIEND runs to the store to buy vodka to make cosmos. Which are very delicious and go down way to easy.
The fireworks finally go off. I have no idea how much longer we stayed or how many cosmos I consumed. Because all of a sudden I went from sober to drunk. “What Happened?” Of course I don’t realize this until I wake up this morning to go to work and my head feels like it’s going to explode and there is the gut wrenching pain in my belly.
Now, we all know that I would never overindulge in activities that involve alcohol. I am much too sophisticated to participate in events involving being drunk. So, I know that somebody forced me to participate by putting a gun to my head and pouring alcohol down my throat through a funnel (otherwise known as a straw).
I am starting a bounty for anyone that can bring this varmint in alive. We must teach people like this a lesson in drinking ethics. Everyone must rally together to give this unforsaken monster a moral lesson in debauchery.

WANTED ALIVE BUT SERVERLY BEATEN
FOR THE VARMINT THAT FORCED FEMALEJIM
TO DRINK IN EXCESS AND CAUSING A TRAIN WRECK IN
HER HEAD THE MORNING AFTER
REWARD: 1 CASE OF BEER