HAPPY HALLOWEEN from F.JIM

Post this. Please

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Well I put together a pretty freaking sweet costume this year. Not to toot my own horn...Okay I'm tooting..
I will start by describing the costume. Tonight I will post some pics. We will have to get SOGSK to do the same because she borrowed the costume for a party.
Okay. I am the big old lady that lost her dog in her butt. Ha. Yes it's brilliant. I have a grey wig, granny glasses with the chain, a pink night gown that is knee length, and thin robe with polka dots and pockets, knee high stockings, a pillow to put junk in my trunk, oh and of course I sewed the dog on the robe to make it look like it's in my ass crack. I am also carrying my lost dog sign around with me and offering rewards to whomever finds my dog.
It's great. Everyone at work is getting a good laugh out of this costume. This may be up there with the Mimi (Drew Carey show) that I wore a couple years back. I'll be bitter if I don't win something for this costume.
So, I lend SOGSK my costume on Saturday. When I got it back it looked like she pooped on the robe. I have no idea what was on the nightgown, maybe pizza. I never received the stockings, the granny glasses with the chain, or the lost dog sign back. But the good news is she stretched the wig out with her big head. So, now it fits comfortably on my head. Thank goodness for CHOWDER HEAD that is a secret granny because she had granny glasses and a chain to lend me. And thanks to CUTE FIANCÉ who graduated with a degree in art. His Lost Dog sign is way better than what I made.
I'm am going to have to figure out how to top this next year.

Rumors....

SO. CHOWDER HEAD tells me a piece of Juicy gossip. I tell DANCING QUEEN, she tells F.JIM... F.JIM gets drunk @ CHOWDERHEADs house, CHOWDER HEAD decides that F.JIM needs to know. Instead of just playing it off like she knew nothing, F.JIM says, "Oh yeah, I already knew AND I can't tell you who told me"... Well, who the fuck do you think she's gonna finger??? (Especially since the circle includes only a select few)So,needless to say, I get a call last night from drunk CHOWDER HEAD bitching me out.
THANKS A LOT, F. JIM!!!
I did however, make sure to point out to her that F.JIM and DANCING QUEEN were the ones really breaking the chain..(I was merely passing on the sweet, sweet gossip to people I thought would at least act like they didn't know when CHOWDER HEAD decided to spill the beans to them, but NOOOOOO.) You untrustworthy BeeeOt-chiz!

A New Post by F.JIM via....me. aka: SLEEP WALKING

SLEEP WAlKING

I have mastered sleep walking. I just talked to CUTE FIANCÉ and got the 411 of what I was doing at 2 am this morning.

I run out of the bedroom naked. I go into the laundry room and remove the blanket that is on top of the laundry basket. I make sure there is a good hole. I squat to pee. CUTE FIANCÉ asks me what I am doing. I tell him I am going to the bathroom. He yells at me that I am peeing in the laundry room and that I need to go into the bathroom. I tell him that I have choice as to where I can pee. He forcefully removes me from the laundry room and takes me to the bathroom. Apparently I wasn't very happy about this.

I really need to stop drinking white wine.

Birthday Bowling

As one of you know, we went bowling Saturday for my birthday. All was a blast, especially after I had 2 shots, 5 beers, and of course.....4 percocets. Now, after that 4th pill, things get a little foggy. Of course, there are some pictures circulating that show me...having a very good time. When we got home, I of course rant to the fridge for more yummy cervezas. I took a bath, came out, and drank even more. This was about the time that my not-so-cute-anymore fiance decides to cut me off. He dumped out the 2 swallows of beer I had left. I of course announced in a high decibal pitch, that "I WAS NOT DRUNK!" and got another beer. I never finished it though. Passed out.

Speaking of inappropriate..

Here is a perfect example...While we are out on our daily walk.

PENT UP PENNY: You know, I wonder what a butt plug looks like..?
ME: GOD! PENT UP PENNY! You don't know????
PENT UP PENNY: I know!, maybe you should look it up!?
ME: Alright, alright, if you insist.
CHOWDER HEAD: Yeah, and while your at it look up, The Dildo Song for her. She totally needs to hear that.


After Lunch........
DR: What the hell are you guys looking up?
CHOWDER HEAD: Look Dr! We found the perfect pocket pussy for you!
PENT UP PENNY: He has GOT to hear that Dildo Song!!!

ME: ok. ok!

I've got the Dildo Song playing full blast, a patient walks in, we all scatter for the hills....

A post. Via me from FEMALE JIM.........

You must put this on the blog for me.....

Belligerent

So, apparently I am becoming a belligerent drunk.

I woke up this morning to CUTE FIANCÉ saying, "You don't remember what happened last night do you? You weren't very nice."

No I didn't remember and I still don't remember. What did I do? Did I abuse CUTE FIANCÉ? Did I cuss and swear? Did I threaten death?
Please tell me I don't need to stop drinking......What would be my outlet then? Sex, drugs, gambling???

If anyone knows that I did last night please fill me in.

Ahhh the pleasures of blogging.....

F.JIM emailed me yesterday and informed me she can't blog @ work. It's sad. Cause now I can talk all sorts O trash!! I'm free-free free!!!! Shit, I spend most of my days fucking around on the computer. Now, don't get me wrong. I work and all.... I am just SO damned efficient I have extra time to dilly dally... I'm sure, however if you asked CHOWDERHEAD, she'd say I don't work hardly at all....But what the hell does she know? Half the time her and PENT UP PENNY are asking me to look up all sorts of unmentionable porn and inappropriate shit. (Which of course, I gladly do.)

I get what I want

SO. Since the last time, I have a brand new fridge!!! It's awesome! Except, CHOWDER HEAD came over and broke my little ice maker arm thingy and now I have to call them up to fix it. Oh well. It's full of food and WAAAAAyyy way way better than the last POS I had. AH ha ha ha ha ha!