WHAT IF ??????????????????

Okay I have become obsessed w/ the HUDDLES. Today was my turn. And after spending numerous hours on the computer researching ideas I finally made a decision. I decided to play “What if” with my group.

For those of you who don’t know what that is here are the directions:
You give everyone in the group a piece of paper and a pen.
You have them write a “What if” question. It can be about anything. For example: What if monkeys flew out of ass??
Then you put all the questions in a bucket and redistribute them to everyone in the group.
Nobody can have their own.
They are then to answer the question they pulled out of the bucket.
Everyone throws the answer and question back in the bucket.
The group then redraws.
You start out by having the first person read their question, the second reads their answer, the second reads their question, and the third reads their answer.
You continue this until the group is done reading.
Hopefully the results are humorous.

Anyway, it actually went pretty good. I was surprised by the questions that my group put out there. I told them they could write a question about anything as long as it was business appropriate. Some the questions and answers were hilarious.

What if somebody walked into OUR COMPANY without any clothes on??
What if we ran out of toilet paper??

So, now that I have engaged my unsuspecting HUDDLE people, I will really have to step up the bar next time around. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions let me know.


BTW Trashley I thought your HUDDLE idea was great. So, I passed it on to the HEAD HONCHO. If he doesn’t use this I am so going to use it myself.

Only at a level 1 today. I’m wondering what I did wrong. I tried to get to at least a level 3 but nothing. Hmmmmm. I’ll have to step up my drinking tonight.

RISE TO THE HUDDLE???????????

Do corporations have too much time on their hands??

I want to know how to get into a position where I can just sit around thinking of a customer service activity. Especially one that involves the theme music to ‘Snakes on a Plane.’
As I had blogged previously my employer has incorporated daily Huddles. This is where we meet as a team in the very early am (urgh) to discuss the daily customer service idea. We are emailed the daily Huddle topics with a short scenario. Everyone in the team must alternate hosting the meeting.

Most of the times these meetings run dry w/ the host being (to be polite) dull. Well the HEAD HONCHO put out the challenge to hosting the meeting to the theme of ‘Snakes on a Plane’. You can actually win money ($100). Since my warsher just took a dump I so need the money. Of course I think this is ludicrous but fortunately I had a few drinks last night and so I’m feeling creative. BTW….at a level 2 today.

I so need to rise to the occasion on this challenge. However I need ideas. So, everyone needs to put on their thinking caps, become customer focused, and give lots of ideas. I need to WOW the HEAD HONCHO. So fellow bloggers what do you think???????????????

GOODBYE TO LA DUNGEON..................................

I think I finally quit LA DUNGEON. I normally work every Gosh Darn Friday evening at LA DUNGEON. I am so burnt out on this schedule. Now that CUTE FIANCE is all moved in there isn’t a necessity to work 2 jobs. Plus I haven’t been making any money there and I got cut down to one day a week.
Well I decided that I would much rather partake in a wine tasting event on Friday evening than work at LA DUNGEON. So, I called THE BIG ITALIAN MEATBALL Guy and made up a great lie about not being able to work on Friday. “Hello….You won’t believe what happened. LITTLE JIM has an award ceremony for Friday night. Sorry that I won’t be able to make work that evening.” Oh BIG ITALIAN MEATBALL Guy got really upset with me. Started saying things like “Your not commited to LA DUNGEON” or “Well I guess you aren’t available to work anymore.”
Of course B.I.M.G. doesn’t take in consideration that I have worked for him for 1 year. He is frequently cutting my days even when I really needed the money. He had his girlfriend working there who would get drunk all the time. Then he let her go. To bring her back (she is sober now) and cut my days.
Well personally MR. B.I.M.G. I don’t feel bad. After all, even if I did a few glasses of wine would fix that.

YEAH…..No more LA DUNGEON. (until he is in a bind and calls me to work.)

BTW...................I'm at a level 1 today.

Corn

I love corn. I eat it out of the can several times per week. It's not just that I love the taste of corn, however. Corn is by far the funniest food. Funny, you ask? Yes, funny. This morning I got up at an unfortunate level 0 (long story, will make up for it tonight). Had a cup of coffee and a cig. ***Do you know where I am going with this now?*** Inevitably, the POOP needs to happen. There is something about a cup of coffee and a cig that makes ya gotta poo. I dash to sit on my throne, and do my doo. There is something different about this poo. I can tell. I know the feeling. I start to giggle before I even look. I am excited. Where's my damn camera? Is my MONSTER awake to share? I wipe.....taking my time.....building up to the moment. I slowly pull up my jammy bottoms. A bead of sweat has formed on my brow. The anticipation is killing me. With butterflies in my stomach I slowly turn around......and I look. Floating around the bowl are several pieces of CORN, looking as if they were never digested (I can never figure how that happens as I do chew my food). I gazed at my creation for only a few seconds (who wants to stand there in the stench of their own crap?) I flushed and walked away with a victorious feeling and splash of self confidence. I love corn.

Dear Passer-Outer.......................

A little something from SOG.......................

This comes from a recent experience that he had w/ a school Teacher. However, I think there was vomit involved in that event.

Dear Passer-Outer,

There are a few things I'd like to thank you for:

Thank you for wanting to have sex with me. You couldn't, but your heart was in the right place.

Thanks for the ego boost. You were really hot and into me... until you passed out.

Thanks for making me realize that I am, indeed, a gentleman and that I truly do respect women. A lesser man would have taken advantage of the situation. I know I am not one of those guys. Once you were out, it really wasn't fun anymore.

Thanks for the drinks from the mini-bar. You were passed out, naked. And I really needed a drink.

Thanks for letting me tuck you into bed. You don't remember, but trust me, it was really cute.

Thanks for not vomiting. Seriously.

Thanks for the fun time at the bar. In retrospect, I should have taken you back to your room much, much sooner.

Thanks for buying shots, all 5 of them. I really enjoyed that.

Thanks for being as drunk as I was. Scratch that, you were drunker.

But most of all, thanks for being from out of town. More than likely, there won't be that awkward moment when we run into each other, and you try to figure out where you know me from.

Cheers to you Passer-Outer! You were fun. I just wish I knew what your name was.

TODAY IS THE DAY

OMG! This is the first time this week that I actually DON'T have a hangover.... Being sober and all, I feel as if I'm really not living up to my potential. I'll have to take care of that tonight when my CUTE B.F. comes in from the slope.

FEMALE JIM, are you hung over? Tell me you got wasted for the team last night.

Here we go again........

So, girls night last night....Right? We all meet at the predestined locale, chit chat it up..drink beer.... Blah blah blah...
CHEF SISTER is hell bent on meeting this guy for a drink afterwards. Right? Well, we're winding up the evening w/ the girls and CHEF SISTER's BALD FIANCE' shows up.. Now me being the good sister I am, I try to cover up for her and tell him that we really don't want him tagging along because I'm actually the one meeting up w/ the guy. The whole time I'm trying to explain to the BALD FIANCE' that my CUTE B.F. is just fine with this because we have a mature, secure relationship. He seems somewhat doubtful, but goes along with it and leaves. We proceed to the LOCAL ROTATING BAR.. right? following along?
Well, this just opens up a can of worms..
**** Let me give you people in blog land a little advice.. Don't lie. It's bad for your reputation.****
So we order our first of many RED HEADED SLUTS, which for those of you that haven't experienced this drink, it consists of Jaeger, pineapple juice and Peach Schnapps.... hmmmmm??? I'm thinking twice about that drink right now.

SAid DUDE shows up. He's SO NOT CHEF SISTER's type. and in her defense, she had no intention of persuing any type of a relationship with DUDE, strictly interested in being a friend. He, (of course) has other designs..
Well, me, (being the drunken belligerent person I am) I start in on DUDE. For some reason my beer goggles lead me to believe he is gay,( which I TOTALLY believe he is in a world of denial) I then tried to convince him of it. (He wore waaaaay too much gold jewelry to not be gay.) Not to mention both his ears were pierced and he a pinky ring on EACH pinky!
I made him take off all his jewelry. I then put it on and took pictures on his phone of his gold nugget necklace dangling between my breasts..
I'm such a great drunk! Lemme tell ya. I made it home and stumbled to bed. Woke up this morning with DUDEs gold bracelet still on my wrist, ( I forgot, I switched my fancy (oh so more gay) silver bracelet with him) and got MINI ME to school on time and me to work.

Now, THAT is how a professional drunk does it.

I'M ABOUT 3 STARS TODAY ***

This was sent to me and I feel it is only appropriate to post it here..

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

MISSING IN ACTION..............

Has anyone heard from SOG??

First off his blog hasn’t been updated since August 23rd.
Second he normally emails me on a daily basis, but I haven’t heard from him in a couple days.
Third I believe he is on Chorizo Buwito rotation and I have yet to receive a Buwito today.
Fourth the last I heard he had found love at the bank. See the picture.

Is it possible that SOG has eloped with his beloved mystery woman wearing the helmet?
Or did SOG meet up with his beloved mystery woman wearing the helmet, start to make love to her, and then get caught in a roll or crevasse.

Will anybody volunteer to be apart of the rescue party? I believe SOG will be so happy that he might even spread joy and happiness.

HUDDLES.................

The management here at my CORPORATE JOB has put together a program to empower employees. Our day starts by meeting in a HUDDLE. This involves groups of 10 or less that last 15 minutes or less. Each day CORPORATE has sent out daily quotes and topics. Such as, “customer service, being proactive, etc.” Each person in the HUDDLE takes turns hosting the HUDDLE.

Well today was finally my day. The topic was “Teamwork.” Inspired by the season premier of LOST I decided to play a little game with my co-workers. I wanted to see how well they interacted as a team. Well I gave them a Survival scenario where they had to rank items of importance that they would need if they crashed in a plane in at sub zero temperatures.

My co-workers actually impressed me. They all came up with some good answers. All totally wrong, but still good. And all day I’ve had people come up and say, “Good Huddle” “Hey I heard your Huddle was good” or “That was fun.” I actually inspired my co-workers today and not one of the ungrateful bastards thanked me with a monetary gift. I think for the next HUDDLE we might have a game that involves some fear factor stunts.

I need to POOP

CHOWDER HEAD is saying that she is punishing herself by not getting her car out of jail... This means that I will end up picking her up all next week for work. The idea of her being my slave is great. It just isn't working out like I thought it would.

CHOWDER HEAD IS MY SLAVE

New House 3

I wonder how many times I can post the same post?
As everyone can see, I'm excited about the prospect of having a slave.

The New House 2

Not sur eif the first blog is going to post or not...Needless to say I must sum up.
CHOWDER HEAD has commited to being my slave.
What should I make her do first?

The New House

So, I broke in my new house last night. Had people over and built a fire. WHOO HOO!! By the end of the night CHOWDER HEAD said she would be my slave if I picked her up for work in the morning.
isn't that great news?
CHOWDER HEAD is now my slave!!!!
What do you think I should make her do first?

The New House

So, I broke in my new house last night. Had people over and built a fire. WHOO HOO!! By the end of the night CHOWDER HEAD said she would be my slave if I picked her up for work in the morning.
Isin't that great news?strong> CHOWDER HEAD is now my slave! What do you think I should make her do first?