I am NOT Chowderheads mother

Yesterday, I got my wee little hands on some SMARTIES. Oh the joy! Now, I haven't had any in quite a bit. I came home last night, anticipating the moment when I could induldge in the tranquil high I would soon get. I decided to push off the actual moment for a bit though. Create some more excitement so the high would be even BETTER! I cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and did some general tidying up. Then I ate some Cheerios. I love me some Cheerios and last night they really hit the spot. So, after being home for about an hour, it was time. I opened up a bottle of wine (cause it's like a celebration when you get Smarties) and put 2 down the hatch. I went and took a nice long, albeit very stoned, bath. When I got out, I was pretty dizzy. Had to lay down. Gads! I do not remember THIS feeling before? Where was the euphoria? Wanting to talk to everyone while furiously cleaning my home? No, this was NOT a happy feeling. Maybe I should have 1/2 more. Yes. Good idea. Took another 1/2 a pill. Finished the BIG glass of wine. Very smart of me. Ok, not feeling so good. Perhaps it's time to go to bed. I go to the kitchen to get my medication (the real kind, not the fun kind) and start divying it up. "Ugghhh...me belly don't feel so good." Before I knew it, I was head first in the kitchen sink throwing up red wine and chunks of cheerios. Well, I felt a lot better after that. I think I may have kinda poisoned myself. Perhaps I will only try 1 pill tonight instead of pretending I can roll like Chowderheads mom.

Beer & Catering

All I really have to say is, thank god for beer! I wouldn't get through the catering season with out it!

I feel like crap.

Thank goodness this is the only day of "real" work I'm doing.
Yesterday we got off early and headed over to the LOCAL WATERING HOLE. Well, we drank beer and it was Deeeelicious! From there, I went to the OTHER LOCAL WATERING HOLE for their famous Bloody Marys...then home, with CHEF SISTER for that new bottle of wine I just received the other day from the wine club..THEN... CHOWDER HEAD, IPIE and the LITTLE CHOWDERETTES come over. We proceed to drink Screw Drivers til I finally have to force CHOWDER HEAD to go home.
So, here's the tally for yesterday:
Beers~3 (a little foggy on that one)
Vodka/Tomato juice~2
Red Wine~bottle
Vodka/Orange juice~?3, (i think.....)

At least I made it into my bed, and you know how I know? I woke up naked in it!
(I have yet to locate my clothes)

All this, and it's only Tuesday!

I'm glad girls night got cancelled tonight, I don't think my liver can handle much more.

BODILY FLUIDS..........

BODILY FLUIDS..........

Well I have a had a wonderful few days. My life has been filled with Puke and Poop. Good times...Good Times....
Saturday I hang out with THE MEXICAN for her b-day. We have drinks at a friends house. After we leave CRANGIE talks THE MEXICAN into taking LITTLE F.JIM THE 2ND while we go the LOCAL WATERING HOLE. Well after we get home LITTLE F.JIM THE 1ST calls me into his room. He had puked all over himself and his futon. It looked like he ate everything on the McDonald's menu right before up chucking. Oh Joy. I try to clean the futon the best I can, but there is no saving it.
In the interim LITTLE F.JIM the 2nd had her well baby check and shots. She has had diarrhea since then. Blowing out her diaper on a continuous basis. So, I go home last night thinking I am so done with bodily fluids. LITTLE F.JIM THE 1ST is feeling better. So, we should have a good night. Well I wasn't that lucky. My Dog up chucks three huge piles on my carpet. (Thank god we are putting in laminate flooring this weekend.) All I can think about is cleaning up the futon as I am now cleaning up the dogs mess. URGH. YUCK. Where the hell is CUTE FIANCÉ when you need a clean up on isle 'House from Pukesville'? Okay I get that cleaned up and the night goes smoothly after that.
LITTLE F.JIM THE 2ND wakes up all smiles this morning. I change her ditty and then it happens. Yes she poops on me. It's one of those can hit anything within a mile radius squirting poops. Oh Joy. I was thankful to still be in my robe and not dressed for the day.
I think I am going to avoid going home for about a week. Just until POOPIE AND PUKIE get their bodily fluids under control.

Never give out your password

Ever have one of those moments, when you are so completely in love and just want to be SO brutally honest and get everything OUT? I had one of those about 2 months ago. I was at the computer, high on pills and on my 4th drink. I was in love. I had not fucked anything up to this point. I gave VCF my password. The thing to know here is that my password is the password to EVERYTHING. Myspace, 3 different emails, banking....you get my point. Now, it is good to note that I have been a faithful fiancee. I am sure this is how I concluded it was a wise choice to give VCF my password. Let us fast forward, shall we?

I have still been a faithful fiance. BUT, there have been a few (minor) flirtatious emails that may have slipped right off of my finger tips. Nothing screaming raw sex, but just a casual "yeah, we were so good in bed together" kind of a thing. Fast forward again.

VCF comes home from the slope yesterday. He decided to drink with his coworkers at the bar after he lands. I pick him up later. He is intoxicated. He has many things to say, such as "why are you so beautiful? Why do you love me? You are a stupid bitch." I take him home and drop him off. I am not too amused. I call him later to check on him. He is not at home. He had a brilliant idea to drive around. Oh, and he is MAD. Oh yes, mad as hell at me. Apparently he has been reading all of my emails for the past 2 months and not said anything. No time like getting stinking drunk to bring it up, eh? He finally came home and ignored me until 10:00 pm, when I am going to bed. But oh no, he is ready to fight. Although I am groggy from sleeping pills, I amuse him with my sarcastic wit knowing he can never recover. I will win this.

I finally won. Well ok. It was a draw. He said sorry first though so that has got to count for something. Had some make up sex. The dirty kind of course.

Never. Never. Never. Give your password out.

New Design

I hope everyone likes the new look of the blog. I spent some time getting it up to date. If you know of any great links, etc. Please let me know. I'll get them on here.

BTW...I have invited THE DANCING QUEEN to post blogs. No response. So a big tongue out to her. thhhhhhhh.....................

PASSED OUT AGAIN...............

Well I managed to get stinking drunk at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE on Friday night. Not that I remember....But CUTE FIANCE Recapped for me. Apparently I fell asleep on the shitter and he had to come get me. Once up I insisted on having one more drink. Then I took total advantage of CUTE FIANCE in the bedroom. Only to hear later that we left the baby monitor on and FJIM THE 1st had a friend over. They were both asleep and we didn't get any weird looks the next day. But that is a lesson learned.

Then Saturday night roles around. I am a good girl working my second job. Everyone else is partying it up at FASHION DIVA's B-day party. So, as I leave work I get a call that everyone is meeting up at the LWH. So, I get there as soon as I can. What do I find. CHOWDER HEAD IS DRUNK AGAIN. Yes. I walk in. She is sitting at the bar with her husband in toe. She gives me the look. You know the one where her eyes start to cross, her finger comes up, and then she mumbles...."Jim. There you are. I'm so glad to see you." Yep. It's not going to take long until she is out. So, she starts blabbing about her carpet, her mom, SOGSK getting totally wasted and some other meaningless garble. Before long I have heard every story at least a handful of times. Next thing you know she is wobbling out the door to have a cig. HOWLIE has to help keep her from falling. CUTE FIANCE helps her back to her seat. She fumbles around a bit, slurps the rest of her drink, and she is up again. Stumble, Stumble all the way to IPIE (her husband). He must have been in the middle of a game because when I look over she is passed out in a chair by the pool table. I stop paying attention and then I get a sighting of Stumble, Stumble. IPIE is helping her out the door. Some things are just priceless........................

Good Times on the Roof

This weekend we all went out to a party. I proceeded to get wasted.. (What's new, right?) Well, we all leave and decide to go to THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE. On our way there, I am drunkenly telling my CUTE B.F. where to go.
It's really foggy out and I tell him to make a turn. It was the wrong one and we wind up lost.
CUTE B.F. gets pissed, I start arguing w/ him and when we get to the bar he decides he's had enough and we're going home.
On the way home I keep arguing, trying to make my drunken point...(which for the life of me, I can't seem to remember now) I do know though, that it was totally valid and VERY important.
So important that when we got out of the car and my CUTE B.F. headed for the door, I threw not only both of my heels at him but my fancy purse too.
Luckily for him, I'm a horrible shot. One of my shoes ended up on the side of the house, the other one was behind a trash can. As for my purse, well.....It landed on the roof.
Sunday comes along, and wouldn't you know it? It's snowed 6 inches.
picture this....
ME, hungover and crawling around a snowy roof searching for my purse.
Thank goodness I had the foresight to leave my phone in it so I could find the damn thing!

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO OTHER POEPLE

Well since I've pooped out the kid I am back at it again. That's right getting stinking drunk again. However I now seem to wake the next morning in more of a daze than ever before. I am now experiencing blackouts. It seems that every time I drink (well get wasted) I can't remember what happened the night before.
For Example: Friday night CRAZY MEXICAN took LITTLE F. JIM II for the night. Yahoo!! "I'm getting drunk and laid" is what ran through my head. Well CUTE FIANCE and I go out for a bite to eat and drinks. Later we end up at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. I remember having a grand old time getting my ass kicked at shuffle board. Although that did seem to lift CUTE FIANCE'S ego. Little does he know I was seeing double pucks when I slide them down the board. Here is where it all becomes a blur...... Supposedly I had the know it all to tell CUTE FIANCE that I was getting pretty toasty. So, he took me home. Knowing me I must of had some sort of cocktail after arriving at the homestead. And according to CUTE FIANCE we tried to make sweet sweet love, but somehow I passed out. Only to be woken up at 6am by the bastard who was putting me to bed.
Example #2: Saturday night I go and visit CHOWDER HEAD and family. I had sworn off white wine. So, I had a bottle of red wine. I tend to drink that much slower. I swear I was sober when I got home (maybe slightly buzzed). When I get a call for SOGS asking me to meet her at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. Well CUTE FIANCE has just arrive home from work. So, I am sure I can convince him to take LITTLE F. JIM II. Which I do. I walk to the LWH and meet up with SOGS. Here is where it becomes a blur.......Supposedly we have a couple drinks and almost close the bar down. For some reason my credit card bill only came up to $5. So, what did I really drink?? As we leave I tell SOGS that I am walking home. I am not getting into the car with her because she has had too much to drink. She convinces me she will stay the night at my house if I get in the car. Well I do and we end up at my house (BTW it's literally across the street). According to SOGS I fall walking up to the door. I then laugh hysterically and mumble something that she can't understand. After we come in I make SOGS, CUTE FIANCE, CUTE FIANCE'S SIDEKICK, and myself cocktails. I apparently spill my drink everywhere after trying to pick it up with one finger. I then pass out. SOGS puts LFJII to sleep. CF is frustrated and goes out to smoke muttering, "I don't know how I am going to get her to bed."(meaning me of course) As he is outside I jump up and try to take LFJII to bed. SOGS convinces me otherwise. So, off to bed I go. SOGS then puts LFJII to bed as well. CF comes in amazed exclaiming to SOGS, "What did you do!!!!!!!"

And that in a nut shell is my weekend according to other people.

Me and my flu

I have the flu. Had it all damn weekend. Puked up ramen while it was still hot. Missed the toilet bowl throwing up chocolate soy milk. BUT...on the light side of ALL of this, I have lost FIVE pounds! So, I am not getting a flu shot this year. I am making sure I do not gain those 5-10lbs in the winter for "heat." I will come in close contact to all of those who have the flu if I am feeling a bit bloated. I am not past a little "frenchy-frenchy" so I can fit into my jeans. I may even dive in front of a sneeze if I am feeling bottom heavy. And being sick will be my reason NOT to work out! This is perfect...(insert evil laugh)! I sure love my flu.

Per F.JIM:SLEEP DEPRIVED

Since giving birth to LITTLE F. JIM THE SECOND I have been totally sleep deprived. I don't know what it's like not to be tired anymore.
Apparently I was so tired last night that I pulled a CHOWDER HEAD. After a night out of Trick or Treating we get home about 10pm. I have a glass or two of wine. I am sitting on the couch watching TV with CUTE FIANCÉ when it happens. I start to nod out with my glass of wine in my hand. I wake up when my wine starts to spill all over CUTE FIANCÉ. The look on his face was priceless. Needless to say I went straight to bed after that.

Someday I will sleep again.