TRASHLEY is really trashy

CHEF SISTER got married at my house this past weekend. Nothing too big. Just some close family and friends. It had been a wishy washy event, on one week, off the next. Up until the week before, CHEF SISTER and THE NEW HUSBAND decided to just go ahead and take the plunge.

The big day comes and my house starts filling up. His family, my family.. Couple O' friends.. TRASHLEY and HER FIANCE show up. I think TRASHLEY had already been poppin the pills and drinking. The first thing out of her mouth is, (in a screechy sorta way) "I Can't Shtop Crying!!! Booh hoooo!" She then proceeds to stumble around, kissing everyone at any and every opportunity. She's wearing bright red lipstick, so it doesn't take long for everyone to be decorated w/ lip prints.
I happened to be wearing a low cut shirt and at one point she cornered me to rip my shirt down and kiss my tit. Then she demanded that HER FIANCE stick his nose in my ample bosom and get a whiff of my perfume. He graciously declined while I ran the other way.
At one point, I hear her yelling about how HER FIANCES' daughter couldn't find her ass hole to wipe it. Then she focuses her "one good eye" in on MY OTHER MINI ME's B.F. (poor kid) she yells at him to "Start being a MAn!!" and so on and so forth.
Fortunately, he was able to escape her grasp and hide til they left.
I didn't see much of her after that, except when the ceremony started. She was tucked into the corner of my couch with her little hanky... dabbing her eyes and boo hooing again.
Well, Any whoo... I just thought I'd propose a toast:
To our dear, (fucked up) friend, TRASHLEY. You make all special events something to be remembered!
I also want to thank you. I don't know how we could keep up our blogging fodder with out you.
May Your lipstick always be red, and your words always slurred!

Poor CUTE B.F.

So. CUTE B.F. and I start drinking early. Caucasian Gary's, Champagne..Bloody Marie's.... Beer.. You name it, I think we tried it. His big X mas party was the next day and he had gone out and bought a pimp suit.
We're loopy. He's trying on everything, prancing around.. Wielding his gun, acting like the Welsh gangster that he truly is.
We decide that we just aren't high enough. Right?
I whip out the reefer..Take a few puffs, and hand it over.
CUTE.B.F. never smokes the reefer. I mean EVER.
He doesn't handle it well. About 10 minutes into realizing how fucked up we really were, he goes running into the bathroom.
Now, as for me. I'm higher than a kite. I decide to rummage through the closet... Dig in my drawers... Zone out on the fuzz balls on the floor.... Count my hair....I'm pretty sure I spent about an hour trying to find a pair of pants that turned out to be right in front of me.......
Needless to say. The whole time I hear nothing from the bathroom.
I eventually pass out. Only to be woken up by MINI ME standing in front of me, yelling, "Will you PLEASE go check on him?? He's only been calling your name for an hour!!!"
I jump right out of bed, (like the GOOD committed G.F. I am) and rush to the bathroom door. All I hear are animal like moans and LOTS and LOTS of hurling. It sounded something like this.....


CUTE B.F.:OOOOOOHHHHHHhhhhhHHhHHHhh GoOOOOOoooooDDD!!!! retch.retch.retch.
me: uuuuh?honey??? you ok??
I open the door slightly.
CUTE B.F.:(lying on the floor nekked as a jay bird, puking)
GET oUTT!!!! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN ANY ONE DIE BEFORE??????


wELL, I decided that that is the last time I ever partake in the greeny green w/ him.

I am NOT Chowderheads mother

Yesterday, I got my wee little hands on some SMARTIES. Oh the joy! Now, I haven't had any in quite a bit. I came home last night, anticipating the moment when I could induldge in the tranquil high I would soon get. I decided to push off the actual moment for a bit though. Create some more excitement so the high would be even BETTER! I cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and did some general tidying up. Then I ate some Cheerios. I love me some Cheerios and last night they really hit the spot. So, after being home for about an hour, it was time. I opened up a bottle of wine (cause it's like a celebration when you get Smarties) and put 2 down the hatch. I went and took a nice long, albeit very stoned, bath. When I got out, I was pretty dizzy. Had to lay down. Gads! I do not remember THIS feeling before? Where was the euphoria? Wanting to talk to everyone while furiously cleaning my home? No, this was NOT a happy feeling. Maybe I should have 1/2 more. Yes. Good idea. Took another 1/2 a pill. Finished the BIG glass of wine. Very smart of me. Ok, not feeling so good. Perhaps it's time to go to bed. I go to the kitchen to get my medication (the real kind, not the fun kind) and start divying it up. "Ugghhh...me belly don't feel so good." Before I knew it, I was head first in the kitchen sink throwing up red wine and chunks of cheerios. Well, I felt a lot better after that. I think I may have kinda poisoned myself. Perhaps I will only try 1 pill tonight instead of pretending I can roll like Chowderheads mom.

Beer & Catering

All I really have to say is, thank god for beer! I wouldn't get through the catering season with out it!

I feel like crap.

Thank goodness this is the only day of "real" work I'm doing.
Yesterday we got off early and headed over to the LOCAL WATERING HOLE. Well, we drank beer and it was Deeeelicious! From there, I went to the OTHER LOCAL WATERING HOLE for their famous Bloody Marys...then home, with CHEF SISTER for that new bottle of wine I just received the other day from the wine club..THEN... CHOWDER HEAD, IPIE and the LITTLE CHOWDERETTES come over. We proceed to drink Screw Drivers til I finally have to force CHOWDER HEAD to go home.
So, here's the tally for yesterday:
Beers~3 (a little foggy on that one)
Vodka/Tomato juice~2
Red Wine~bottle
Vodka/Orange juice~?3, (i think.....)

At least I made it into my bed, and you know how I know? I woke up naked in it!
(I have yet to locate my clothes)

All this, and it's only Tuesday!

I'm glad girls night got cancelled tonight, I don't think my liver can handle much more.

BODILY FLUIDS..........

BODILY FLUIDS..........

Well I have a had a wonderful few days. My life has been filled with Puke and Poop. Good times...Good Times....
Saturday I hang out with THE MEXICAN for her b-day. We have drinks at a friends house. After we leave CRANGIE talks THE MEXICAN into taking LITTLE F.JIM THE 2ND while we go the LOCAL WATERING HOLE. Well after we get home LITTLE F.JIM THE 1ST calls me into his room. He had puked all over himself and his futon. It looked like he ate everything on the McDonald's menu right before up chucking. Oh Joy. I try to clean the futon the best I can, but there is no saving it.
In the interim LITTLE F.JIM the 2nd had her well baby check and shots. She has had diarrhea since then. Blowing out her diaper on a continuous basis. So, I go home last night thinking I am so done with bodily fluids. LITTLE F.JIM THE 1ST is feeling better. So, we should have a good night. Well I wasn't that lucky. My Dog up chucks three huge piles on my carpet. (Thank god we are putting in laminate flooring this weekend.) All I can think about is cleaning up the futon as I am now cleaning up the dogs mess. URGH. YUCK. Where the hell is CUTE FIANCÉ when you need a clean up on isle 'House from Pukesville'? Okay I get that cleaned up and the night goes smoothly after that.
LITTLE F.JIM THE 2ND wakes up all smiles this morning. I change her ditty and then it happens. Yes she poops on me. It's one of those can hit anything within a mile radius squirting poops. Oh Joy. I was thankful to still be in my robe and not dressed for the day.
I think I am going to avoid going home for about a week. Just until POOPIE AND PUKIE get their bodily fluids under control.

Never give out your password

Ever have one of those moments, when you are so completely in love and just want to be SO brutally honest and get everything OUT? I had one of those about 2 months ago. I was at the computer, high on pills and on my 4th drink. I was in love. I had not fucked anything up to this point. I gave VCF my password. The thing to know here is that my password is the password to EVERYTHING. Myspace, 3 different emails, banking....you get my point. Now, it is good to note that I have been a faithful fiancee. I am sure this is how I concluded it was a wise choice to give VCF my password. Let us fast forward, shall we?

I have still been a faithful fiance. BUT, there have been a few (minor) flirtatious emails that may have slipped right off of my finger tips. Nothing screaming raw sex, but just a casual "yeah, we were so good in bed together" kind of a thing. Fast forward again.

VCF comes home from the slope yesterday. He decided to drink with his coworkers at the bar after he lands. I pick him up later. He is intoxicated. He has many things to say, such as "why are you so beautiful? Why do you love me? You are a stupid bitch." I take him home and drop him off. I am not too amused. I call him later to check on him. He is not at home. He had a brilliant idea to drive around. Oh, and he is MAD. Oh yes, mad as hell at me. Apparently he has been reading all of my emails for the past 2 months and not said anything. No time like getting stinking drunk to bring it up, eh? He finally came home and ignored me until 10:00 pm, when I am going to bed. But oh no, he is ready to fight. Although I am groggy from sleeping pills, I amuse him with my sarcastic wit knowing he can never recover. I will win this.

I finally won. Well ok. It was a draw. He said sorry first though so that has got to count for something. Had some make up sex. The dirty kind of course.

Never. Never. Never. Give your password out.

New Design

I hope everyone likes the new look of the blog. I spent some time getting it up to date. If you know of any great links, etc. Please let me know. I'll get them on here.

BTW...I have invited THE DANCING QUEEN to post blogs. No response. So a big tongue out to her. thhhhhhhh.....................

PASSED OUT AGAIN...............

Well I managed to get stinking drunk at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE on Friday night. Not that I remember....But CUTE FIANCE Recapped for me. Apparently I fell asleep on the shitter and he had to come get me. Once up I insisted on having one more drink. Then I took total advantage of CUTE FIANCE in the bedroom. Only to hear later that we left the baby monitor on and FJIM THE 1st had a friend over. They were both asleep and we didn't get any weird looks the next day. But that is a lesson learned.

Then Saturday night roles around. I am a good girl working my second job. Everyone else is partying it up at FASHION DIVA's B-day party. So, as I leave work I get a call that everyone is meeting up at the LWH. So, I get there as soon as I can. What do I find. CHOWDER HEAD IS DRUNK AGAIN. Yes. I walk in. She is sitting at the bar with her husband in toe. She gives me the look. You know the one where her eyes start to cross, her finger comes up, and then she mumbles...."Jim. There you are. I'm so glad to see you." Yep. It's not going to take long until she is out. So, she starts blabbing about her carpet, her mom, SOGSK getting totally wasted and some other meaningless garble. Before long I have heard every story at least a handful of times. Next thing you know she is wobbling out the door to have a cig. HOWLIE has to help keep her from falling. CUTE FIANCE helps her back to her seat. She fumbles around a bit, slurps the rest of her drink, and she is up again. Stumble, Stumble all the way to IPIE (her husband). He must have been in the middle of a game because when I look over she is passed out in a chair by the pool table. I stop paying attention and then I get a sighting of Stumble, Stumble. IPIE is helping her out the door. Some things are just priceless........................

Good Times on the Roof

This weekend we all went out to a party. I proceeded to get wasted.. (What's new, right?) Well, we all leave and decide to go to THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE. On our way there, I am drunkenly telling my CUTE B.F. where to go.
It's really foggy out and I tell him to make a turn. It was the wrong one and we wind up lost.
CUTE B.F. gets pissed, I start arguing w/ him and when we get to the bar he decides he's had enough and we're going home.
On the way home I keep arguing, trying to make my drunken point...(which for the life of me, I can't seem to remember now) I do know though, that it was totally valid and VERY important.
So important that when we got out of the car and my CUTE B.F. headed for the door, I threw not only both of my heels at him but my fancy purse too.
Luckily for him, I'm a horrible shot. One of my shoes ended up on the side of the house, the other one was behind a trash can. As for my purse, well.....It landed on the roof.
Sunday comes along, and wouldn't you know it? It's snowed 6 inches.
picture this....
ME, hungover and crawling around a snowy roof searching for my purse.
Thank goodness I had the foresight to leave my phone in it so I could find the damn thing!

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO OTHER POEPLE

Well since I've pooped out the kid I am back at it again. That's right getting stinking drunk again. However I now seem to wake the next morning in more of a daze than ever before. I am now experiencing blackouts. It seems that every time I drink (well get wasted) I can't remember what happened the night before.
For Example: Friday night CRAZY MEXICAN took LITTLE F. JIM II for the night. Yahoo!! "I'm getting drunk and laid" is what ran through my head. Well CUTE FIANCE and I go out for a bite to eat and drinks. Later we end up at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. I remember having a grand old time getting my ass kicked at shuffle board. Although that did seem to lift CUTE FIANCE'S ego. Little does he know I was seeing double pucks when I slide them down the board. Here is where it all becomes a blur...... Supposedly I had the know it all to tell CUTE FIANCE that I was getting pretty toasty. So, he took me home. Knowing me I must of had some sort of cocktail after arriving at the homestead. And according to CUTE FIANCE we tried to make sweet sweet love, but somehow I passed out. Only to be woken up at 6am by the bastard who was putting me to bed.
Example #2: Saturday night I go and visit CHOWDER HEAD and family. I had sworn off white wine. So, I had a bottle of red wine. I tend to drink that much slower. I swear I was sober when I got home (maybe slightly buzzed). When I get a call for SOGS asking me to meet her at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. Well CUTE FIANCE has just arrive home from work. So, I am sure I can convince him to take LITTLE F. JIM II. Which I do. I walk to the LWH and meet up with SOGS. Here is where it becomes a blur.......Supposedly we have a couple drinks and almost close the bar down. For some reason my credit card bill only came up to $5. So, what did I really drink?? As we leave I tell SOGS that I am walking home. I am not getting into the car with her because she has had too much to drink. She convinces me she will stay the night at my house if I get in the car. Well I do and we end up at my house (BTW it's literally across the street). According to SOGS I fall walking up to the door. I then laugh hysterically and mumble something that she can't understand. After we come in I make SOGS, CUTE FIANCE, CUTE FIANCE'S SIDEKICK, and myself cocktails. I apparently spill my drink everywhere after trying to pick it up with one finger. I then pass out. SOGS puts LFJII to sleep. CF is frustrated and goes out to smoke muttering, "I don't know how I am going to get her to bed."(meaning me of course) As he is outside I jump up and try to take LFJII to bed. SOGS convinces me otherwise. So, off to bed I go. SOGS then puts LFJII to bed as well. CF comes in amazed exclaiming to SOGS, "What did you do!!!!!!!"

And that in a nut shell is my weekend according to other people.

Me and my flu

I have the flu. Had it all damn weekend. Puked up ramen while it was still hot. Missed the toilet bowl throwing up chocolate soy milk. BUT...on the light side of ALL of this, I have lost FIVE pounds! So, I am not getting a flu shot this year. I am making sure I do not gain those 5-10lbs in the winter for "heat." I will come in close contact to all of those who have the flu if I am feeling a bit bloated. I am not past a little "frenchy-frenchy" so I can fit into my jeans. I may even dive in front of a sneeze if I am feeling bottom heavy. And being sick will be my reason NOT to work out! This is perfect...(insert evil laugh)! I sure love my flu.

Per F.JIM:SLEEP DEPRIVED

Since giving birth to LITTLE F. JIM THE SECOND I have been totally sleep deprived. I don't know what it's like not to be tired anymore.
Apparently I was so tired last night that I pulled a CHOWDER HEAD. After a night out of Trick or Treating we get home about 10pm. I have a glass or two of wine. I am sitting on the couch watching TV with CUTE FIANCÉ when it happens. I start to nod out with my glass of wine in my hand. I wake up when my wine starts to spill all over CUTE FIANCÉ. The look on his face was priceless. Needless to say I went straight to bed after that.

Someday I will sleep again.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN from F.JIM

Post this. Please

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Well I put together a pretty freaking sweet costume this year. Not to toot my own horn...Okay I'm tooting..
I will start by describing the costume. Tonight I will post some pics. We will have to get SOGSK to do the same because she borrowed the costume for a party.
Okay. I am the big old lady that lost her dog in her butt. Ha. Yes it's brilliant. I have a grey wig, granny glasses with the chain, a pink night gown that is knee length, and thin robe with polka dots and pockets, knee high stockings, a pillow to put junk in my trunk, oh and of course I sewed the dog on the robe to make it look like it's in my ass crack. I am also carrying my lost dog sign around with me and offering rewards to whomever finds my dog.
It's great. Everyone at work is getting a good laugh out of this costume. This may be up there with the Mimi (Drew Carey show) that I wore a couple years back. I'll be bitter if I don't win something for this costume.
So, I lend SOGSK my costume on Saturday. When I got it back it looked like she pooped on the robe. I have no idea what was on the nightgown, maybe pizza. I never received the stockings, the granny glasses with the chain, or the lost dog sign back. But the good news is she stretched the wig out with her big head. So, now it fits comfortably on my head. Thank goodness for CHOWDER HEAD that is a secret granny because she had granny glasses and a chain to lend me. And thanks to CUTE FIANCÉ who graduated with a degree in art. His Lost Dog sign is way better than what I made.
I'm am going to have to figure out how to top this next year.

Rumors....

SO. CHOWDER HEAD tells me a piece of Juicy gossip. I tell DANCING QUEEN, she tells F.JIM... F.JIM gets drunk @ CHOWDERHEADs house, CHOWDER HEAD decides that F.JIM needs to know. Instead of just playing it off like she knew nothing, F.JIM says, "Oh yeah, I already knew AND I can't tell you who told me"... Well, who the fuck do you think she's gonna finger??? (Especially since the circle includes only a select few)So,needless to say, I get a call last night from drunk CHOWDER HEAD bitching me out.
THANKS A LOT, F. JIM!!!
I did however, make sure to point out to her that F.JIM and DANCING QUEEN were the ones really breaking the chain..(I was merely passing on the sweet, sweet gossip to people I thought would at least act like they didn't know when CHOWDER HEAD decided to spill the beans to them, but NOOOOOO.) You untrustworthy BeeeOt-chiz!

A New Post by F.JIM via....me. aka: SLEEP WALKING

SLEEP WAlKING

I have mastered sleep walking. I just talked to CUTE FIANCÉ and got the 411 of what I was doing at 2 am this morning.

I run out of the bedroom naked. I go into the laundry room and remove the blanket that is on top of the laundry basket. I make sure there is a good hole. I squat to pee. CUTE FIANCÉ asks me what I am doing. I tell him I am going to the bathroom. He yells at me that I am peeing in the laundry room and that I need to go into the bathroom. I tell him that I have choice as to where I can pee. He forcefully removes me from the laundry room and takes me to the bathroom. Apparently I wasn't very happy about this.

I really need to stop drinking white wine.

Birthday Bowling

As one of you know, we went bowling Saturday for my birthday. All was a blast, especially after I had 2 shots, 5 beers, and of course.....4 percocets. Now, after that 4th pill, things get a little foggy. Of course, there are some pictures circulating that show me...having a very good time. When we got home, I of course rant to the fridge for more yummy cervezas. I took a bath, came out, and drank even more. This was about the time that my not-so-cute-anymore fiance decides to cut me off. He dumped out the 2 swallows of beer I had left. I of course announced in a high decibal pitch, that "I WAS NOT DRUNK!" and got another beer. I never finished it though. Passed out.

Speaking of inappropriate..

Here is a perfect example...While we are out on our daily walk.

PENT UP PENNY: You know, I wonder what a butt plug looks like..?
ME: GOD! PENT UP PENNY! You don't know????
PENT UP PENNY: I know!, maybe you should look it up!?
ME: Alright, alright, if you insist.
CHOWDER HEAD: Yeah, and while your at it look up, The Dildo Song for her. She totally needs to hear that.


After Lunch........
DR: What the hell are you guys looking up?
CHOWDER HEAD: Look Dr! We found the perfect pocket pussy for you!
PENT UP PENNY: He has GOT to hear that Dildo Song!!!

ME: ok. ok!

I've got the Dildo Song playing full blast, a patient walks in, we all scatter for the hills....

A post. Via me from FEMALE JIM.........

You must put this on the blog for me.....

Belligerent

So, apparently I am becoming a belligerent drunk.

I woke up this morning to CUTE FIANCÉ saying, "You don't remember what happened last night do you? You weren't very nice."

No I didn't remember and I still don't remember. What did I do? Did I abuse CUTE FIANCÉ? Did I cuss and swear? Did I threaten death?
Please tell me I don't need to stop drinking......What would be my outlet then? Sex, drugs, gambling???

If anyone knows that I did last night please fill me in.

Ahhh the pleasures of blogging.....

F.JIM emailed me yesterday and informed me she can't blog @ work. It's sad. Cause now I can talk all sorts O trash!! I'm free-free free!!!! Shit, I spend most of my days fucking around on the computer. Now, don't get me wrong. I work and all.... I am just SO damned efficient I have extra time to dilly dally... I'm sure, however if you asked CHOWDERHEAD, she'd say I don't work hardly at all....But what the hell does she know? Half the time her and PENT UP PENNY are asking me to look up all sorts of unmentionable porn and inappropriate shit. (Which of course, I gladly do.)

I get what I want

SO. Since the last time, I have a brand new fridge!!! It's awesome! Except, CHOWDER HEAD came over and broke my little ice maker arm thingy and now I have to call them up to fix it. Oh well. It's full of food and WAAAAAyyy way way better than the last POS I had. AH ha ha ha ha ha!

Grrrr...

I just wrote a big long bitch about everyone and everything. I decided to erase it though. I'd hate for someone to read it and get all pissed cause I was bitching about them.
I'll just summarize.
I want a new fridge. BUT....The way things are going, I will have to sell my body to afford it.

See ya!

Well, as it turns out. The NEW GUY was really nice. Just an all round good guy. We chit chatted and had a fun time. Nothing too spectacular and all platonic of course. He headed back to CHICAGO never to be seen again.. Maybe I'll send him a postcard from time to time.

Conundrum

I recently met a NEW GUY. We immediately hit it off. We had one of the more stimulating conversations I've had in a VERY long time. He's up here on vacation for the week..Visiting DANCING QUEENS' B.F. mY PROBLEM?
Hmmmm... My cute B.F. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our relationship, but I can't help but want to get to know this other guy better. Not in the sense of, "giving in to my primal urges better" or anything...But.. Just get to know what he's about.
Given the fact that my CUTE B.F. can be somewhat insecure at times, I'm hesitant to go on gushing about this guy to him. In fact, I didn't even mention it cause I hadn't given it any real thought until now. I mean, NEW GUY had crossed my mind and all, but I had just chalked it up to a good time had by all...
So today, DANCING QUEEN called me and said that he had been asking about me and wanted to get together again. (They had gone fishing for the weekend)
I can't help but to be pleased and flattered that he's interested. I thought he was interesting himself. (Not to mention REAL cute and funny) SO. so so so...

Work Work. Work.....

We had a patient with 8 kids come in today. Can you imagine???? 8 fucking kids?? Who the hell is that crazy?
Not I, I tell ya!

I gotta go to bed.

YEPs!!!.... Time for bed-ee bye. Time for poopies.

I think I pretty much have crapped my self.

Yup. I have successfully consumed a big FAT Bottle O wine! I really can't tell you how PROUD I am of myself. I'm actually surprised that I can actually write a damn thang. My cats are crawling around.. trying to tell me, "It's time to go to bed, crazy lady!"... I'm not really listening though...
They can't make me!!!
I still have to poop.

Crap!!!!

I have to poop! Like, right now! Wait....... I think I can hold it. Maybe just a little longer..... yep. Here I go!
I suppose I currently am looking for an outlet. This seems purty good to me.
It's late. I'm drinking wine. I only have a half day to work tomorrow.
SHIT!
We decided to go to Kenai on Saturday. I'm thinking it will be a good thang.
It's so strange to me that you can have issues and then they just disappear and you don't give them a second thought. Ok... For instance... My ear... YES. My ear.. I get sick, right??? my ear cloggs up. My fucking ear is giving me issues for. like... 3-4 days.. Then, I wake up... and it's gone. Just like that.
Good bye! Fuck you ear problems!
Do I even think twice about it though? NO.
Why would I??? I feel totaly normal. Why would I?
OK. Then I get my period. RIGHT?
It comes. "Hello Aunt Flo!!!!!!"
I can deal w/ this.
I'm a normal girl.
I plug the hole.
The tide comes, it goes, it comes.... it goes.....
OK.
I've served my time. My monthly dues R paid. Right?
Whoo HOoooo!!!!
I throw on the "skinny" panty liner......
I go "out"...
Bluooosh........
Need I say more????

Where have all the bloggers gone?

Jim's pooped her little bb out.. Trashly is drunk and hopped up on pills... As for me, I have found my self just stumbling from one drunk moment to the other with no real purpose...
I miss the good ol' days.. You know? When we all commiserated about being hung over.... When we all regaled each other with stories of debauchery and sex.
Someone just give me a snippet of something juicy! Please???? Do I have to beg here?

WHy are men so damn lazy?

I swear. Why do I have to write out the fucking instuctions, copy them in triplicate, watch them being read and THEN, give manual instruction before getting what I want done.?????...... What ever happened to inititive? What ever happened to problem solving? A sense of Urgency?Simple deduction???? COMMON SENSE??????

I can picture it now......
Woman: "Honey, would you mind sweeping the floor?"
Man: "Sure! Where do you keep the broom? Oh yeah, how about the dust pan? Oh, and do you want me to sweep it into the middle of the room and then pick it up? Or, maybe do you think it would be better if I got the vacume out and just vacumed the dust? Wait...... Where do you keep the vacume? Has the bag been changed lately? You know, i could change it, if not. Do you know where the trash bags are? Gosh! This is really turning into a big task! Do you really think we have time to actually sweep today? I think we will have more time tomorrow. I mean, I really feel that I had just better get that dust up tomorrow.. When I have time to find everything it's going to take to get it done. "

Arrrggggg! Kill me!

Woman: "Fuck it! I'll just do it myself."