There is nothing like the rush of the morning. You know dragging yourself out of bed. Dashing to get out the door on time while trying to look decent. Well, this morning was no different for me. I’m going through my daily panic attack of, “Oh SHIT I should have left the house 5 minutes ago.” I grab some underwear and all my clothes, quickly get dressed and leave the house.
I make it to work 1 minute before our daily huddle is scheduled. Pheeew. After the huddle I go to relieve myself. I look down at the crouch of my underwear which is missing. “What happened??” It took me a minute to realize that my lovely dog chewed out the crouch and they were only hanging together by a string. Needless to say, I had to toss them.
So, I am at work underwear less. Actually it kind of feels good. I now wish I could work on my computer naked. It would be like home, and I would be way more productive.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
OUCH!
Damn! Mission accomplished! I am totally HUNG today. I neeeeeed a chorizo burrito.
Why do I always feel the need to analyze everything when I'm fucked up? Why can't I just be a contented drunk?
Girls night lasted one too many beers last night and when I got home I continued to lubricate myself. THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I decided to smoke some BOB.. Right about this time my CUTE B.F. came home. I strongly urged him to take part in my debauchery, (which of course he did, cause I'm irresistible)
Well...Needless to say I started espousing about relationships, how SO many people take one another for granted, how SO many people stifle each other, how if he ever felt that I was stifling him that he had my permission to find someone who wouldn't, and if I felt he were stifling me I would do the same...and on and on and on.....Til I passed out. Face first.
**I know this cause I woke up in the same position I landed..***
Well.. Now I have spent the whole day not only hung over, but reassuring my CUTE B.F. that I still love him..Poor guy.
I think I'm going to make him sign something stating: Any thing I have said while drunk, I am never to be held responsible for ever...
Or am I the one that should be doing the signing? My brain is in turmoil today. I can't think.
Why do I always feel the need to analyze everything when I'm fucked up? Why can't I just be a contented drunk?
Girls night lasted one too many beers last night and when I got home I continued to lubricate myself. THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I decided to smoke some BOB.. Right about this time my CUTE B.F. came home. I strongly urged him to take part in my debauchery, (which of course he did, cause I'm irresistible)
Well...Needless to say I started espousing about relationships, how SO many people take one another for granted, how SO many people stifle each other, how if he ever felt that I was stifling him that he had my permission to find someone who wouldn't, and if I felt he were stifling me I would do the same...and on and on and on.....Til I passed out. Face first.
**I know this cause I woke up in the same position I landed..***
Well.. Now I have spent the whole day not only hung over, but reassuring my CUTE B.F. that I still love him..Poor guy.
I think I'm going to make him sign something stating: Any thing I have said while drunk, I am never to be held responsible for ever...
Or am I the one that should be doing the signing? My brain is in turmoil today. I can't think.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
THAT's iT!!
I have decided to get good and drunk tonight. It seems as if I'm the only one that does it anymore so, DAMN IT! I'm gonna! No one can stop me!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
DAMN IT!
I want to have a party. Oh shit! I just remembered! YUCKA YUCKA YUCKA!!!! This Saturday. Which just so happens to coincide w/ CHEF SISTER's B Day. (She'll be coming after work) OOOOhhHhhhHh! I can't wait! You should bring STUMBLY!
Monday, September 11, 2006
STUMBLY..............
Well you learn something new everyday even about CUTE FIANCE. Saturday night we all gathered at CHOWDER HEAD’s house for some social recreation. When CUTE FIANCE and I arrived everyone was huddled in the garage for a BEER PONG tournament.
After making drinks for ourselves, CUTE FIANCE and I join the others and I immediately jumped into the game. After only 10 minutes of play time I made it into a cup causing an opponent to chug his beer. I hand my paddle over to CUTE FIANCE who immediately spills his drink all over the table. The rules clearly state that if you spill you must chug the fullest glass on the table. CUTE FIANCE disappears upstairs while I am finishing out the BEER PONG tournament.
Afterwards, I find him talking with CHOWDER HEAD on the balcony. But something is different. CUTE FIANCE went from sober to drunk. It was the fastest that I have ever seen anyone do that. I think he may have set a new record. CUTE FIANCE becomes STUMBLY when he gets drunk. He sways left to right when walking and quite often has to grab onto the walls for support. Well this night was no different. We shall now rename CUTE FIANCE “STUMBLY” for the rest of this blog.
STUMBLY is heading towards the house from the Balcony. SLAAAMM…goes the sliding glass door. Sway…sway…stumble…recover from almost falling down…plop down in big chair in living room. CHOWDER HEAD, “You want to play a game.” We all head over to the table to play ten thousand. STUMBLY finds his way over to the table, plops down, and slumps over the table. Now very obvious to everyone that STUMBLY is drunk. STUMBLY interrupts the game by getting up to smoke. SLAAAMMM….goes the sliding glass door. Okay, Now I am thinking it maybe time to call a cab and head home. SLAAAAMMMMM….goes the sliding glass door and in sways STUMBLY. Grab onto the wall to the right. Grab on to the back of the chair on the left. Repeat until reaching his own chair and then PLOP.
ME: “Hey STUMBLY, are you ready for me to call a cab home.”
STUMBLY: “Umm Sure.”
15 minutes later the cab arrives. Help STUMBLY down the stairs, out the door, and into the cab. The cab right is literally 5-10 minutes away. The cost was $6.75. So, you know its close. STUMBLY passes out in the cab. Make it home in less than 10 minutes. “STUMBLY we are home. Wake up STUMBLY. It’s time to pass out in bed.” STUMBLY pulls himself out of the cab. The cabbie looks at me and smiles as I hand him the fare. Sway…Sway goes STUMBLY.
After making drinks for ourselves, CUTE FIANCE and I join the others and I immediately jumped into the game. After only 10 minutes of play time I made it into a cup causing an opponent to chug his beer. I hand my paddle over to CUTE FIANCE who immediately spills his drink all over the table. The rules clearly state that if you spill you must chug the fullest glass on the table. CUTE FIANCE disappears upstairs while I am finishing out the BEER PONG tournament.
Afterwards, I find him talking with CHOWDER HEAD on the balcony. But something is different. CUTE FIANCE went from sober to drunk. It was the fastest that I have ever seen anyone do that. I think he may have set a new record. CUTE FIANCE becomes STUMBLY when he gets drunk. He sways left to right when walking and quite often has to grab onto the walls for support. Well this night was no different. We shall now rename CUTE FIANCE “STUMBLY” for the rest of this blog.
STUMBLY is heading towards the house from the Balcony. SLAAAMM…goes the sliding glass door. Sway…sway…stumble…recover from almost falling down…plop down in big chair in living room. CHOWDER HEAD, “You want to play a game.” We all head over to the table to play ten thousand. STUMBLY finds his way over to the table, plops down, and slumps over the table. Now very obvious to everyone that STUMBLY is drunk. STUMBLY interrupts the game by getting up to smoke. SLAAAMMM….goes the sliding glass door. Okay, Now I am thinking it maybe time to call a cab and head home. SLAAAAMMMMM….goes the sliding glass door and in sways STUMBLY. Grab onto the wall to the right. Grab on to the back of the chair on the left. Repeat until reaching his own chair and then PLOP.
ME: “Hey STUMBLY, are you ready for me to call a cab home.”
STUMBLY: “Umm Sure.”
15 minutes later the cab arrives. Help STUMBLY down the stairs, out the door, and into the cab. The cab right is literally 5-10 minutes away. The cost was $6.75. So, you know its close. STUMBLY passes out in the cab. Make it home in less than 10 minutes. “STUMBLY we are home. Wake up STUMBLY. It’s time to pass out in bed.” STUMBLY pulls himself out of the cab. The cabbie looks at me and smiles as I hand him the fare. Sway…Sway goes STUMBLY.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I DID IT!
I haven't been feeling well these past couple days and I thought that I would go home and try to drink my sickness away.
I was once told that in order to cure a cold you lay in bed with a hat on one foot. You then drink untill the one hat turns to two.
Well, I can attest that it doesn't work.
Now I am not only sick, but totally hung over.
I need to go home, curl up into a ball and die.
I was once told that in order to cure a cold you lay in bed with a hat on one foot. You then drink untill the one hat turns to two.
Well, I can attest that it doesn't work.
Now I am not only sick, but totally hung over.
I need to go home, curl up into a ball and die.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOWDER HEAD
Happy Birthday to you…..(cha cha cha)
Happy Birthday to you…..(cha, cha, cha)
Happy BIRTHHHHDAAAYYY dear CHOWDER HEAD
Happy Birthday to you
You’ve got to be close to mid-life crises by now.
Happy Birthday to you…..(cha, cha, cha)
Happy BIRTHHHHDAAAYYY dear CHOWDER HEAD
Happy Birthday to you
You’ve got to be close to mid-life crises by now.
WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD DRUNKS GONE????
I am sitting her contemplating why no one shares their drunken escapades anymore? Are we losing interest? I can attest to the shortage of parties, and the growing number of DWI's.. But does that mean we should forgo our drunkenness??? NO! I want the world to know that I will forever be a drunk! As a matter of fact, I am going to go straight home tonight and get drunk just to celebrate. DO YOUR PART!!!! Get drunk too!
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