THE WORLD ACCORDING TO OTHER POEPLE

Well since I've pooped out the kid I am back at it again. That's right getting stinking drunk again. However I now seem to wake the next morning in more of a daze than ever before. I am now experiencing blackouts. It seems that every time I drink (well get wasted) I can't remember what happened the night before.
For Example: Friday night CRAZY MEXICAN took LITTLE F. JIM II for the night. Yahoo!! "I'm getting drunk and laid" is what ran through my head. Well CUTE FIANCE and I go out for a bite to eat and drinks. Later we end up at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. I remember having a grand old time getting my ass kicked at shuffle board. Although that did seem to lift CUTE FIANCE'S ego. Little does he know I was seeing double pucks when I slide them down the board. Here is where it all becomes a blur...... Supposedly I had the know it all to tell CUTE FIANCE that I was getting pretty toasty. So, he took me home. Knowing me I must of had some sort of cocktail after arriving at the homestead. And according to CUTE FIANCE we tried to make sweet sweet love, but somehow I passed out. Only to be woken up at 6am by the bastard who was putting me to bed.
Example #2: Saturday night I go and visit CHOWDER HEAD and family. I had sworn off white wine. So, I had a bottle of red wine. I tend to drink that much slower. I swear I was sober when I got home (maybe slightly buzzed). When I get a call for SOGS asking me to meet her at the LOCAL WATERING HOLE across the street from my house. Well CUTE FIANCE has just arrive home from work. So, I am sure I can convince him to take LITTLE F. JIM II. Which I do. I walk to the LWH and meet up with SOGS. Here is where it becomes a blur.......Supposedly we have a couple drinks and almost close the bar down. For some reason my credit card bill only came up to $5. So, what did I really drink?? As we leave I tell SOGS that I am walking home. I am not getting into the car with her because she has had too much to drink. She convinces me she will stay the night at my house if I get in the car. Well I do and we end up at my house (BTW it's literally across the street). According to SOGS I fall walking up to the door. I then laugh hysterically and mumble something that she can't understand. After we come in I make SOGS, CUTE FIANCE, CUTE FIANCE'S SIDEKICK, and myself cocktails. I apparently spill my drink everywhere after trying to pick it up with one finger. I then pass out. SOGS puts LFJII to sleep. CF is frustrated and goes out to smoke muttering, "I don't know how I am going to get her to bed."(meaning me of course) As he is outside I jump up and try to take LFJII to bed. SOGS convinces me otherwise. So, off to bed I go. SOGS then puts LFJII to bed as well. CF comes in amazed exclaiming to SOGS, "What did you do!!!!!!!"

And that in a nut shell is my weekend according to other people.