Night 1: Everyone gets settled in. Set up camp. Start drinking. This was a relatively uneventful night. We are still waiting on key people to show up. I go to bed early. FEMALE JIM got there late, so she'll have to fill in any missing details.
Night 2: CHOWDER HEAD gets off to an early start drinking beer. IPIE is keeping up with her pretty well until she switches to good ol' faithful rum and diet. Leg wrestling has ensued and she's beaten about 6 people. (this would pump anyone up, right?) Then of course, clothes start flying. A few runs around the fire with her top off is enough to get her to start harassing anyone with in her one-good-eyes pathway.
No luck on the coercion, (to her drunken dismay) but the night is still very young. Before long she's sitting next to me saying over and over AND over again how she, "hash named her babiezz after me, an' she would haf a kid at home in a secun." This is all interspersed with "SOGS! are you listening? I said, I juss love you" and stuff like, "SOGS! TAKE YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT OFF!", "RUN AROUND THE FIRE!"
Of course, I'm not near drunk enough to be doing any such thing. I nod my head politely, mumble something and slither off toward the other side of the fire. IPIE has proceeded to keep up with CHOWDERHEAD and by this point they are both pretty stinkin sauced.
Disaster is lurking right at the bottom of that bottle.....
CHOWDERHEAD finally decides its time to call it quits, but figures she should make one last ditcheffort to run around the fire with out any of her clothes on(except panties) ....
She SORTA makes it... Well, she actually throws her clothes down and does a half cart wheel/fall on your face/crash over a couple folding chairs/almost kick someone in the face-while-your-goin-down move.
I just happen to be walking back from relieving myself in the woods, and catch it all.
Let me tell you.
THAT MADE MY WEEKEND.
IPIE helps her up, and gets her clothes back on. I'm waiting for the inevitable, "WHAT HAPPEN???" to come flying out, but she's SO wasted the only thing she can say is, "SOGS!, I think bit my lip! Am I bleeding?, Yup. Yup. I'm bleedin." "
Now you'd think she'd be ready to go down. NOPE. She plants herself on IPIE's arm and proceeds to stumble around til he gets tired of it and tries to get her to go to bed. This is no simple task for IPIE. (He's almost as wasted as she is) After numerous failed attempts, he gives up and lets go....
Next thing we know, CHOWDERHEAD is now lying somewhat in the fire. There is a mad scramble to get her up and out of danger.
An unsuspecting friend runs to the rescue, only to be fallen directly on top of. (Luckily she learns lessons quickly.)
IPIE is determined he's gonna put her down. He manages to drag/pull her out of the ring of fire where she promptly falls down flat on her face.
Needless to say, I had one of the best laughs of my life until IPIE yells @me, "GODDAMN IT SOGS! GET OFF YOUR ASS & QUIT YOUR FUCKING LAUGHING, COME HELP ME!!"which of course makes me laugh harder..
***I am well versed in staying the hell away from CHOWDER HEAD when she is so drunk***
CHOWDER HEAD is finally yo-yo'd to bed, and after ducking from IPIE's grasp only 1 time, to yell unintelligible profanity at those of us still rolling around in convulsions from her behavior.
Gotta love camping..
.............more to come in the next installment of: AS THE CHOWDER HEAD TURNS
5 comments:
I am so bummed that I had to go to bed earlier than CHOWDER HEAD. But in doing so I managed to keep all my clothes on and all of my dignity. And luckily she only talked my CUTE BOYFRIEND out of his shirt versus the entire ensemble.
What CHOWDER HEAD didn’t ask you to dance topless in the back of my truck while all of the adolescent boys were still awake?
Of course she did! She wanted me to dance with Em topless in the back of the truck.
There is definitely something wrong with that girl. I think she has been sniffing the CHOWDER too long.
Either that, or her own farts.
Your right. It's her own stinky CHOWDER HEAD farts.
I love the fact that she has been married so long that she forgets there are other people around and she just let's them rip.
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