First off, I didn’t get called in to THE BRIG over the weekend. I wonder if they fired me without letting me know. I have to figure out how to call them to get my paycheck without them wanting me to work there again.
Over all I had a really good weekend. I went to the movies with THE BEANER on Friday evening. Then we went out for a few drinks and eventually met up with SOGS and BLONDIE. All was a good time until the alcohol kicked in and every man in the bar looked like Brad Pitt. Apparently, I have a thing for picking up on ugly obnoxious men when I am drunk.
So, I go to up to the bar to buy myself a drink. There is this guy standing there. He starts talking to me and he has this heavy Australian accent. He says that he is a Rugby player who is visiting the states from New Zealand. Hmmm. This could be good conversation. I’ve always wanted to visit New Zealand, but haven’t found the time or the money. So, I invite him to our table. All is good conversation at first. Then I start to notice that he is grinding his teeth. (Kind of like a Gorilla or Monkey would do when they show their teeth at the zoo) Okay strange, but I’m not one to judge. He eventually asks me to dance. While I am dancing with MR. RUGBY his head keeps bobbing down towards my boobs. My first reaction is to deck the guy, but considering he is a Rugby player I opt not to go for that action. During conversation with MR. RUGBY I find out he isn’t all there. He is definitely missing a few marbles besides the fact that he is eyeing every girl that walks by. I later found out that the Rugby players in New Zealand don’t wear helmets or cups. So, this would explain a lot.
Eventually my friends convince me to leave with them while he is the bathroom. Apparently they thought he was strange and ugly, but for some reason they couldn’t find the time to tell me this before hand. I must purchase new Beer Goggles before my next outing that involves drinking. Otherwise who knows who I will end up with.
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Beer Goggles? Holy shit! That guy was a frickin Neanderthal(sp?)! He had shifty eyes and talked in some cockny jargin that no one could understand. AND when he told me that he had come to America to "sew his oats" I couldn't figure out whether I should puke or just whip out my tazer and show him what American women do to fuckin idiots. ALSO, if you would have come back from the bar BEFORE you brought him back to the table we could have told you how he looked as if he belonged to the monkey family..
Tell you what, we should get everyone shock collars for the next time we go out. The soberest person gets the remote.
You know that isn't such a bad idea. When the sober one pushes the button for the shock collar and we start twitching on the ground the neanderthals will run.
The sober one will have to yell some kind of code word before they push the button. Otherwise some unsuspecting young neanderthal (under BLONDIES spell) will get shocked too.
Not like that is the worst of things that could happen.
Good point... I forgot about the effect that BLONDIE has on neanderthals.
I suggest we actually have a code phrase, something like, "Blind dogs aren't getting lucky tonight."
That way it gives us time to react before being zapped.
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