VALENTINE'S DAY........PUKE

Here is to those couples whose hearts beat as one….
They all give each other names like hun…
For when I see their lips touch…
It makes me want to loose my lunch…
If it was legal to them I would take a tazor…
And I’d slit my wrists if I had a razor…

Can you tell that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday?? This doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I don’t have a Valentine at the moment. I really am very well adjusted into my single life regardless of what anyone tells you.
That’s why when CHOWDER HEAD decided to have a Valentine’s Day party I thought I was going to puke. And of course this was a couple only party. Urrrghh. I haven’t accepted being single yet. I haven’t even been on a date. Nor would I feel comfortable going on a date.
However, I was being harassed by CHOWDER HEAD to come up with a date. If I had the money I would have just hired a lesbian escort, but as it goes I am not only single but very broke as well. So, I decided to invite the neighbor to be my lesbian escort. He subtly rejected my offer. That may have something to do with another friend of mine trying to accost him at the last party.
Considering that I didn’t have a date, I figured I would not show for the party. I was settling in for the night to watch a movie when my phone started ringing. It was CHOWDER HEAD. “Get your Ass over here. You can be my SCHIZOPHRNIC COUSIN’S date.” I can’t tell you the joy that I felt at that moment. The entire weekend was great for my self-esteem.
Needless to say, I did get my Ass over there a little later in the evening. As I walk in there are flower pedals on the ascending stairs. As I reached the top of the stairs I soon found out I was in Valentine’s Day hell. Hearts, hearts, hearts and more hearts. Everywhere. In order to cope I quickly find a drink. Apparently I arrived in time for the evening’s main event of ‘Pin the boobs on the babe’. Lucky me….
There was even a naughty gift exchange which I didn’t participate in. As the evening progressed we found CHOWDER HEAD passed out in her bed. We took advantage of the naughty gift exchange and used the black ties to tie her to the bed. We took pictures which will be used later to blackmail and extort money from CHOWDER HEAD and her husband.
In conclusion, I hate couples that like to flaunt Valentine’s Day in front of lonely singles such as myself.